Please Answer
by TheMaskedTimelord
Summary: The phone continues to ring, but the only voice that breaks its consistency is his brother's voicemail. All he wants is his brother to answer him. That's the only thing he asks for! Fear fills Raphael as he desperately tries to get his brother to answer him. Warning: Hint/Mentions suicide/self-harm.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A lot has been happened the past couple of weeks and I decided to write this when I wasn't doing anything during class. This suggests some dark themes and subtly mentions suicide/self-harm.**

Cussing loudly, he glances down to find the red button on his phone screen to end the call. Trying the take a couple deep breaths, Raphael attempts to calm his racing thoughts and quick breathing as he dials a familiar (but different) number. With his feet carrying him out of the old warehouse by the practically abandoned docks that he has called home, the mutant turtle lifts the device to his ear, becoming annoyed with the ringing. The bright lights illuminating front the tall building light up the night sky, seeming to show Raphael the way to his old home. He finds himself chanting for someone to please answer.

"Raph?"

"Donnie!" Raph exclaims, happy to hear another voice. "Have you heard from Leo lately?"

"Um, not really-"

"Do you know where he is or what he is doing?"

"Isn't he home?" His brother asks, confusion and worry starting to show in his voice.

"That's what I'm trying to find out; I'm calling Mikey." Raphael didn't even say "Goodbye" before he ended the call and began to dial his other brother's phone. He feels as if he was racing against time itself. Swallowing hard, he pushes his feet to move quicker than they ever had before, trying not to imagine what he might walk in on when he reaches the sewers.

"Hey, Raphie! What's up?" Michelangelo answers, his voice sounding tired but somehow holding its cheerful attitude.

"Have you talked to Leo at all?"

"Not for awhile," he explains. "He called me a couple days ago and we talked about when we were little and stuff."

Finally, Raphael may get some of the answers he desperately craves for. "Did he sound weird or different or anything?" he asked anxiously.

"Um," Mikey thinks for a minute, "a little, I guess. He didn't sound to weird, but the whole conversation was kind of random I guess. Why?"

"I'll explain later. Thanks for letting me know, Mike," he tells before hanging up, once again attempting to call his older brother.

The speaker continues to imitate the cursed ringing, no one answering. Just like ten previous times he tried to call, Raphael is taken to voicemail, hearing his brother' voice only through a recording. Another string of curses escape his lips but he doesn't give up trying to reach Leonardo.

Thunder can be heard in the distance as water droplets begin to fall from the dark clouds in the sky, slowly creating the rooftops wet and slippery. Despite the threat of slipping and falling, Raphael doesn't slow down his pace or stop in his tracks; instead, his feet continue to carry his body through the city. He can feel his heart pounding with nervous energy throughout his body as large amounts of air enter and escape his lungs through pants. When his phone notifies him that his genius brother is calling him, Raph ignores the call before continuing to attempt to reach his brother in blue.

Two more times, the mutant turtle is taken to voicemail. Sliding to a stop, Raphael looks down the side of the roof to spot the lonely manhole cover resting in the alley below, almost seeming to call to him urgently. Jumping down onto the fire escape, Raph quickly moves to the ground. Unfortunately, thanks to the rain that is continuing to fall, he slips on a metal rung and falls, landing on an innocent dumpster resting next to the building. The world around him spins slightly before he is able to shake his head and clear his vision. Pushing down the nausea that was beginning to travel up his throat, Raphael pushes himself out of the trash and into the cement street, holding his phone as if it were a lifeline.

Once he reaches the familiar sewer tunnel and returns the cover to its original spot, he dials the same number again as he makes his way to the Lair. "Please answer, Leo," he mutters quietly, unable to stop the fear mixing with the anger in his voice. "Please, just answer your phone."

He is met with no reply besides the ringing and his brother's voicemail. Swallowing hard, Raphael makes a right turn, his wet feet almost skipping again in the concrete floor. It is becoming harder for him to keep the panic from entering his mind. A memory of Master Splinter comes from the deep reaches of his memories, reminding Raphael of when his father taught him and his brothers how panic and fear can cloud even the clearest of minds. After witnessing the memory of his childhood, he wondered if his father ever considered this scenario during that lesson.

The Lair's entrance finally came into view causing Raphael to let out a small sigh of relief and out his phone into his belt. Shouting his brother's name, he begins to search the home, looking for any source of life. The kitchen appears empty and bare, as if no one has sat at the table in years. There is a thin layer of dust over the television next to the remote, creating no noise to fill the silence. The Dojo is the only thing that seems to hold any evidence of life. Weapons lay everywhere, on the floor or spots they didn't belong to. It almost seems as if there was a battle, or a careless child grabbed everything they could before throwing them, being too lazy to put them where they found them. With quick, searching eyes, Raphael could not find his brother and left the room to travel upstairs to Leonardo's room.

Leo's door was already wide open, allowing Ralph to slide into the room before coming to an abrupt stop. For the first time (as far as Raphael can remember) he finds his brother's room a mess. Large books that once rested on the bookshelf are no scattered throughout the room, some open with wrinkled papers while other are closed and covered with dust. Blankets and pillows are piled on the bed, making it messy and unmade. It is a great contract with the bed Raphael is use to seeing, the blankets smooth and the pillows perfectly stacked against each other. The only thing that has seemed to stay the same are the two sharp Katana blades, resting on the other side of the room in their twin sheaths. Just as he turns to leave, his eyes catch the color red. Focusing his attention on them, Raphael discovers bandages and Kleenexes coated and speckled with blood, laying on top of each other in the small trash bin resting in the corner of the room. His breathing comes to a halt, dread entering and filling his heart. It only takes a moment before Raphael takes off again, becoming even more determined to find his brother.

Running through the hallway, he discovers light escaping from underneath the bathroom door. Relief and panic both crash on top of him, causing him to move towards the closed door before banging on it loudly with his fist. There is no reply, nothing stopping the silence from growing.

"Leo? Open the door! It's Raph!" he calls from the other side, swallowing and trying to keep the fear from showing in his voice. Again, he receives no reply; becoming worried and impatient, he reaches for the door knob, shaking and turning it to only find it locked. No longer caring about keeping his composure, he lets out a light growl before banging against the door hard again. "Leo!" Raphael cries out desperately. "Please answer! Please, just answer me!"

 **A/N: For now, that is going to be the end of this story. Let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** **After people have asked for a second part, I couldn't resist. I hope you guys enjoy it and sorry for the wait. I have only been able to work on this during my spare time during classes at school**

 **Disclaimer:** **I don't own TMNT, just this story plot.**

The Lair is unnaturally quiet, entering such a level of silence that Raphael has never heard before in his home. In the past, this section was full of voices and life created by the four turtle brothers. Even when they were suppose to be asleep in their beds, the boys would sometimes create such noise that their father had forced his body out of bed to scold them. If there were a void of silence resting on the home, it was not nearly as dark and unsettling as this.

Raphael can't help but wonder if this has influenced the darkness in his brother's mind. He did not realize how different and lonely their childhood home has become after their father's death and the brothers' departure. After Donatello left their home to find a place where he could work more on his technology (for both enjoyment and a living) their small family began to separate. Raphael was the next one to leave, desperate for some freedom and space. Thanks to Casey working with him on vehicle repairs and mechanics, Raph was able to earn enough money to live on his on in an abandoned warehouse he now calls home. Michelangelo was the last to leave, hesitant to leave his older brother and old life behind. Sadly, he soon left to accomplish his goals and dreams, wanting to interact with the world through his drawings and comics. His new job allowed him to earn enough to buy his own apartment with roof access, giving him the opportunity escape to the rooftops just like he has in the past. Leonardo stayed in the Lair alone, living himself victim to harsh voices in his own mind.

Although the four brother get together multiple times throughout the year, their contact with each other has greatly diminished. No longer do they wake up to greet the other, but rather text each other from time-to-time. No longer do the four watch movies every week on late Friday nights, but rather sit next to each other as gifts are exchanged on Christmas with a movie playing in the background. No longer do the brother train and help each other grow, but rather keep to themselves and watch as their new lives unfold.

Within seconds, all of these memories flood into Raphael. Leonardo, his older brother, has been left behind in their old home by himself. He didn't have a father to sit with in the mornings with a cup a tea or talk to and meditate with before evening training. While he and his brother's had jobs and people to communicate with (even if it wasn't in person), Leo was down in the sewers, underneath society with only his thoughts to keep him company. The thought caused Raphael to swallow hard, close his eyes, and press his head harder against the wood in front of him.

Before Raphael could decide what his next move was, his mind registers the sound of a lock quietly clicking in front of him. With wide, almost unbelieving eyes, Raphael pulls his head back to stand up straight, watching the door open slightly. An audible sigh of relief fills him when his brother's face comes into view. The door stops when Leonardo's face is visible, hiding his body from Raphael's eyes; however, the normally hot-headed turtle doesn't even realize it. All he can do is stare into the blue, confused eyes before him.

"Raph?" Leo asks, the confusion and curiosity also evident in his voice. "What are you doing here? Don't you have work?"

The only reply Raphael gives is another sigh before moving towards his brother, muttering "Thank you, God" under his breath. Pushing the door aside, Raph ignores his brother's wide eyes and pulls him into a crushing embrace. The fear he was feeling moments ago comes out as frustration. "What the hell? Do you have any idea how many times I've called-"

He stops, eyes widening when Leonardo hisses from over his shoulder. Raphael can feel his blood run cold and the green leave his skin as he realizes the wet, sickening feeling between his and his brother's body. Moving quickly, but keeping his hands on Leo's shoulders, Raphael takes a step back and eyes his brother. His heart plummets when his eyes scan over the red coming from Leonardo's legs and arms, cuts criss-crossing them in angry, desperate patterns. Unable to help himself, Raph looks down and lightly gasps at the amount of blood that has stuck to his own skin, causing him to feel a sudden wave of nausea. Swallowing hard to push back the tight, acid feeling, his eyes look up to met his brother's.

Leonardo looks at everywhere else but Raphael, his fingers unconsciously digging into his new cuts and old scars. His heart beats fast in his chest, the feeling reaching all the way to his head. Swallowing hard with nervous energy, he tries to back the sudden urge to run away and throw himself off of the tallest building. Shame and fear continue to flood his mind like consistent tidal waves as he waits for his brother to share something, unable to meet his amber eyes.

"What the hell?" Raphael mutters, his voice quiet and unbelieving. Clearing his throats and standing up taller, he puts more energy and fire into his words, repeating himself.

He receives no reply, causing him to sigh sadly, his heart breaking as he watches his brother, truly realizing the mental state Leonardo is trapped in. For a few minutes, the turtles stand in awkward silence, both unsure on what to say or do. It is not until Leonardo begins to lightly sway due to his sudden blood loss that Raphael finally moves. Gripping his brother's shoulders, his heart twangs in sadness when he sees his brother flinch and tense at the contact. Without exchanging words, Raphael moves Leonardo towards the toilet, making him sit on the closed lid. Letting out a small sigh under his breath, Raph opens the cabinets in search of bandages to stop the blood flowing from his brother's skin.

Leonardo swallows hard as Raph takes out some gauze, cutting it to the appropriate size before gently placing it over the sharp, angry cuts that litter his skin. He can't remember a time when he wanted to hide more than he does now. Keeping his eyes on his brother's hands, Leo silently wishes he could slice his skin more as his brother covers the others. Trying to keep his breathing even and smooth, Leonardo attempts to think of something to say to his younger brother, anything to remove that sad but angry look off of Raphael's face. Unfortunately, the only thoughts that appear in his mind are rapid and full of panic, making Leo believe that the only way to get his thinking steady once again, is to grab the knife he brought with him and slice his arms a couple more times. He only has to get Raphael to leave long enough for his to cut, watch the blood drip, and then clean everything up.

"There is some more bandages Donnie left in his lab," Leonardo says quietly, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

Raphael lifted his burning eyes to meet his brother's, trying to understand him. If he weren't studying observing gaze, he would not have caught Leonardo's slight glance to the side. Following the blue eyes' path, he spots a small Tanto blade, resting in the sink with some specks of red. A cold shiver travels through him and Raphael swallows hard to keep the burning bile from escaping his throat. Looking back at Leo, emotion is clear through his blue eyes. Shame, embarrassment, and desperation flicker like a candle as they avoid to meet his, both burning with anger and fear.

"I got enough bandages here," I reply. "I don't think I'll be leaving you alone any time soon, actually."

Swallowing hard, Leonardo gives his younger brother a small nod with a tilt of his head. As soon as Raphael spotted the blade, he knew there would be no way he could get himself out of this one. While trying to keep his shaking hands still, Leo continues to watch his brother work, sometimes silently wincing at the sharp shock of pain that originates from his cuts; the same stupid cuts that got him in this mess. The stupid cuts that have simple created more problems with him and his brother. He silently continues to calm himself an idiot, wishing he could go back in time. Leonardo feels as if she should comfort his brother, say something magically that would make this whole situation better somehow. Running his tongue over his dry lips, he opens his mouth to speak; however, no words leave his mouth, causing him to close it sadly once more.

Once white has finally covered all the red, Raphael stretched out his legs, standing tall and wincing at the small popping his stiff joints make. Slowly putting the equipment and bandages away, he turns towards Leonardo, silently wondering how his strong older brother and leader has turned into the silent turtle he sees before him. Holding back a small sigh, he reaches a hand out for Leo to take.

So many thoughts and images flash before Leonardo that it takes his mind an extra second to recognize the green, three-fingered hand before him. Blinking away the angry voices trapped in his head, he lifts up his head to search his brother's face. Realizing he was being studied, Raphael sends him a small, but sad smile, one Leo is unable to return. However, with a hard swallow, he accepts the offered hand before allowing himself to be pulled up to his feet. His old and new cuts pull and stretch due to the new position, causing him to flinch at the sudden waves of pain. Luckily, Raph keeps a firm hand on his shoulder for both comfort and stability. Without a word, he lets his younger brother lead him out of the bathroom and down the stairs to the kitchen. He stands still when he feels his brother's hand leave his body, crossing his arms over his chest while he is unsure on what to do.

"Tea or water?"

The sudden voice causes Leonardo to blink out of his thoughts wants again. Turning his eyes towards the red-banded turtle, he finds him taking to mugs out of the cabinet. "What?" he asks, silently becoming angry with himself for how sad and dumb he sounds.

"Do you want tea or water?"

"Um," he pauses slightly, "tea."

Nodding in acceptance, Raphael moves to sit the mugs down before retrieving water to put in the small kettle on the stove. He figured his brother would prefer the warm substance over cool water, for it always seemed to calm him down. Raphael remembers nights before or after a patrol or after a rough nightmare, Leonardo would quietly move towards the kitchen to get himself a cup of tea. Even though he was not a big fan of it, Raph decides to make himself a cup, willing to stand a mixture long enough to have a serious conversation with his kinder brother.

The kitchen is filled with silence until a soft, high-pitch whistle fills the room. Moving quickly and quietly, Raphael grabs a dish towel, carefully wrapping it around the kettle's hot handle before pouring the boiling liquid into the mugs, causing them to soak through the tea bags. Holding them by the handles, Raph moves towards his brother, ready to leave the kitchen.

Leonardo reaches for one of the mugs in Raphael's hands, quietly offering to take it. Raph held tightly to the mugs, though, unwilling to give it to his brother yet; instead, he gestures towards Leo's room, telling him to head in that direction without opening his mouth. Swallowing hard, Leonardo does just that, quietly treading up the stairs before opening his bedroom door with a loud creak. Because he has been feeling so low on energy, his room has become messy. Blankets lay scattered across his bed while books lay on the floor or open on his desk. Not only did his desk hold a couple books, but multiple scattered pieces of slightly crumpled paper and pens. Leonardo quietly scoots his belongings to the side, making a clear path to his bed. Pushing the blankets to the end of his bed, he sits quietly, watching his brother with careful eyes.

As soon as he enters the room, Raphael is shocked by the state his brother's room is in. Silently, he realizes just how much being alone has really affected his older sibling. For as long as he can remember, he has always known Leonardo to be the neat and organize freak of the family. Michelangelo put everything everywhere, causing him to constantly lose personal items unless they were extremely valuable to him. Raphael was similar to his youngest brother. Unless the object meant a lot to him, he often put his belongings wherever he was comfortable with, making the room feel more homey. Somehow, he knew where (most of) his belongs were placed on could quickly find them. Donatello was more similar to their leader. Everything had a certain spot and his floor was always spotless. However, his room was cluttered. Drawers were filled to the brim with objects and papers were lazily stacked.

Following Leonardo's lead, Raphael sits on the bed next to him, handing him one of the steaming cups of tea. With a nod and a quiet "thank you," Leonardo accepts the drink and brings it to his lips to take a small sip. Silence once again settles between the two brother's, both unable to think of how to start the meaningful conversation that lays ahead of them.

"Why?" Raphael finally asks, causing his brother to jerk his head towards his direction. Meeting his gaze, he asks again, but louder.

Swallowing hard, Leonardo looks down at his cup, watching the steam dance upward towards the ceiling. "I don't know," he shrugs helplessly. "It helps, I guess."

"How does it help?"

Again, Leonardo shrugs, wishing so desperately to vanish in thin air.

Realizing he was getting nowhere, Raphael sighs and tries to think of a different approach. "Have you ever tried talking to Donnie or Master Splinter about this?"

The leader sends the hothead a questioning look. "Why would I tell Donnie or Master Splinter?"

Raphael bites his tongue slightly, holding back on releasing a sharp comment. Instead, he carefully chose his words. "Bro, I think it's pretty clear that you have depression and you need some help. Cutting and hurting yourself isn't good."

Another shrug is his only response as Leonardo takes a sip of tea. Holding back a light growl, Raphael forces his eyes to stay on his brother, unwilling to look away and determined to get his full attention. His strong gaze causes Leonardo to look at him, his blue eyes looking at him with shame and fear. "Leo," Raph says under his breath, "what if you cut a vein?"

Leonardo blinks at that question. Never, in all us time of cutting, he never really imagined his sharp, silver blade slicing his vein filled with blood. He has never thought about how he could have ended up on the floor, falling into a state of unconsciousness, with a vein cut open. "I guess I have never thought about it," he tell Raphael honestly.

"You are the best swordsman I know," Raphael continues, the fire in his eyes ablaze. "And it scares me that I know what you are capable of doing to yourself." Blinking back tears, he swallows the lump in his throat as he pictures finds his brother bleeding out and not breathing. "Leonardo, if you were to take your life, Mikey, Donnie, and I would have been crushed! We already lost Sensei, we can't lose you." His voice cracks towards the end and he shuts his mouth quickly, no longer trusting it to continue steadily.

Like his brother, Leo can feel the hard, dry lump form in his throat. "Why?" He quietly asks. Lightly clearing his voice, he decides to continue, "I keep messing up; I'm a failure. You guys can live your life without me there holding you guys back. Look at what you guys have been able to do! Donnie is creating inventions that will help people, Mikey is making comics and art that people can enjoy, and you are helping Casey and fixing people's cars when they are unable to go to those large, expensive companies! And me," he sighs sadly, "I'm still here in the Lair, unable to leave our old life behind and just taking up some extra space. I've become lazy, sloppy, messed up, and whatever other adjective you want to think of."

Raphael's heart ache for his brother and places in hands over his shoulder. "You are not a waste of space, you're not sloppy, you're one of the least laziest person I have ever meet, and you are not messed up. You are hurting and in pain, and you just need some help. It's hard to find a place out in the human world, but you will get there! Donnie, Mikey, and I look up to you, big brother. We love you so much and would go to the end of the world for you! Leo, you hold so much potential, and we are gonna help you get there, I promise." He pulls his brother in a hug, almost causing Leonardo to drop his cup of tea. "I love you so much, bro."

Tears begin to fall from Leonardo's eyes and he pressed his face into his brother's neck. For so long, he has felt alone, unwanted, unloved, and a failure. Just to know that someone cared about him, believed in him, and looked up to him meant so much. At first, it was just a couple tears; then, sobs began to rack his body. Raphael became his rock, holding him protectively and with a strong grip. Even though, Raph would deny it, small droplets of water managed to escape his eyes.

After almost a half an hour, both brother's leave the embrace, swallowing hard and wiping their eyes. The two make eye contact and, as if something passed between them, they laugh. At first, it was a soft, almost unbelieving laugh; within a couple seconds, the laugh becomes hard and joyful. More tears escape their eyes, but not out of sadness.

Catching his breath, Raphael decides to pull out his shell cell. Letting out a small sigh, he finds five missing calls from Michelangelo and fifteen from Donatello; that didn't even include the numerous text messages he has received. Briefly, he wonders how bad Leo's phone is. His amber eyes meet Leo's blue ones. Leonardo's eyes switch from a content happiness switches to fear, causing him to swallow hard and force his breathing to stay even. Without asking, he knows that his younger two brothers are going to have to know his dark secret. Part of him desperately wished to tell us brother no, to break his phone so it wasn't even an option; but, the leader, rational side of him knows that it needs to be done.

Raphael places a hand of his older brother's shoulder. "It's going to be okay," he reassures softly, giving him a comforting smile. "We are going to help you, all three of us."

Releasing a soft sigh, Leonardo nods, watching Raphael's finger dial Donatello's number before moving the phone to his ear. With careful eyes, he watches his normally hot-headed brother calmly tell Donnie that he was okay but him and Michelangelo need to come to the Lair for a family meeting.

The next couple months were full of struggle me pain; but, it was also filled with healing, joy, laughter, and comfort. As time passes between the four brothers, they begin to grow as one once again. And, far away from their presence, an old rat dressed in a robe smiles down at them, proud of all four of his sons and what they have become, true brothers.

 **A/N: My brain couldn't think of a better way to end this story than this. Unfortunately, I won't be able to add on anymore to this due to stuff happening and other ideas I want to work on. Thank you guys so much for your support and I hope you have enjoyed the story! (By the way, this was like** **three times** **as long as the first chapter! Crazy, right?) Let me know if there are any mistakes I can fix up and tell me what you think!**


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